I've Been a Man

I want to make it clear that I’ve been a man.

I am proud to say that I''ve lived just for me.

I set up camp,

Me and au moose,

And if I had pants I would have peed.

I did all the things one does (when one is not gay),

And I am proud to say,

I’ve lived just for me.

(In a wee voice I call: “Help me!” )

(For the Crazyhorse Cross-off Project: 


"I want to make it clear that I have been camping before, and I'm not just talking about Burning Man. I'm trying to say that I've lived in Montana and backpacked for hours into the wilderness, just me and a friend, where we set up our camp beside a little-known hot spring, and while my friend napped I got in au naturel and was promptly joined by an enormous female moose. There we sat, me and the moose, enjoying the steaming water, looking out blissfully at the sunset together like a honeymooning couple, while I summoned the courage to call in a wee voice: "Help me!" If I had been wearing pants I would have peed them. But I survived my wildlife encounter, and made a fire, and bear-proofed our foodstuffs, and did all the things one does when one is camping. This is not a story of gay San Franciscans setting up a Moroccan hideaway among all the army-surplus tents, complete with mirrored pillows and a Porta-John covered in veils. I am proud to say it is quite the opposite.")