The Quickie

He said, “How about a quickie?”
And she agreed; concerned, of course, about the state of his prostate.
As he lay on top of her pushing and grunting, her mind wandered.
She thought of elephants.

She wondered if female elephants complain if their partners are heavy.
Do they say things like: “You should cut back on the grains, dear.”
Or “You’re squishing me; I can’t breathe!”
Does it hurt when he climbs on her back?
Or are elephants designed to withstand ten thousand pounds,
All for the sake of the species.

He said, “How about a quickie?”
And she agreed; concerned, of course, about the state of his prostate.
As he lay on top of her pushing and grunting, her mind wandered.
She thought of orangutans.

She wondered if female orangutans ever get jealous
When their partners go from one to the next
Saying: “Look at me! Look at me!” while zoo visitors stand and watch.
Do the females fight and throw tantrums and hurl insults at each other?
Or do they stand by their men, watching them hurl their feces,
All for the sake of the species.

What other species on this earth has God called to be faithful?
And why does he insist? Is it for our sake or His?
Is it to ensure the male has a hot meal, clean sheets, and ironed shirts?
Or the female has a roof over her head and someone to squish bugs?
Or do we stay together for the sake of the species?

That can’t be it, she thinks.
She’s long past the point of reproduction.
The doctor told her that nine years ago.
He said “Ma’am, you’re too old.”
She thought “Sir, you’re too ugly
To reproduce. For the sake of the species."

He must have a reason,
He’s an organized God;
That guy’s got a plan for everything.
I just hope one day He’ll tell me, she thinks,
Why orangutans have to share their men and watch them hurl their feces.
Why elephants say “There are no quickies you great, gray galumph.
Hold on let me brace myself!”

He said, “How about a quickie?”
And she agreed; concerned, of course, about the state of his prostate.
As he lay on top of her pushing and grunting, her mind wandered.
She looked at the clock and said “Time's up.”